so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
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