Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
