I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?