So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
