I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that