Texts From Last Night

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  (719): View more from Colorado

  never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.

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  (719): never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned. http://tfl.nu/n10p
  Replies (12) Good night (585) Bad night (5531)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis

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  (703): unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis http://tfl.nu/rixp
  Replies (19) Good night (2181) Bad night (2989)
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.

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  (321): Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school. http://tfl.nu/sa6n
  Replies (15) Good night (3346) Bad night (1653)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.

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  (651): I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister. http://tfl.nu/ezh5
  Replies (9) Good night (6648) Bad night (1008)
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  (323): View more from California

  Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?

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  (323): Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang? http://tfl.nu/58hv
  Replies (7) Good night (2423) Bad night (906)
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  (361): View more from Texas

  I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.

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  (361): I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off. http://tfl.nu/sc97
  Replies (21) Good night (4293) Bad night (1482)
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  (760): View more from California

  explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.

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  (760): explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet. http://tfl.nu/b9gi
  Replies (9) Good night (2090) Bad night (865)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.

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  (519): He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship. http://tfl.nu/txlk
  Replies (20) Good night (867) Bad night (3316)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet

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  (519): Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet http://tfl.nu/qweh
  Replies (5) Good night (1543) Bad night (637)
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  (209): View more from California

  So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility

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  (209): So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility http://tfl.nu/15q1
  Replies (7) Good night (1517) Bad night (889)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.

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  (919): These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again. http://tfl.nu/lco3
  Replies (3) Good night (382) Bad night (897)
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  (914): View more from New York

  And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.

  (845): View more from New York

  I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?

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  (914): And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken. (845): I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa? http://tfl.nu/09c4
  Replies (3) Good night (974) Bad night (326)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards

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  (612): Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards http://tfl.nu/mq0j
  Replies (5) Good night (529) Bad night (287)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.

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  (206): He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me. http://tfl.nu/fq3w
  Replies (13) Good night (415) Bad night (971)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.

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  (978): Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup. http://tfl.nu/pt6l
  Replies (3) Good night (796) Bad night (254)

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