Texts From Last Night

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  (415): View more from California

  i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian

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  (415): i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian http://tfl.nu/vq1a
  Replies (8) Good night (2051) Bad night (1006)
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  (518): View more from New York

  when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'

  (1-518): View more from New York

  i pity the fetus.

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  (518): when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations' (1-518): i pity the fetus. http://tfl.nu/r9cp
  Replies (29) Good night (833) Bad night (5483)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.

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  (316): No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here. http://tfl.nu/05bz
  Replies (71) Good night (964) Bad night (6312)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came

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  (517): The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came http://tfl.nu/4ft9
  Replies (16) Good night (7302) Bad night (1179)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"

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  (317): Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call" http://tfl.nu/v8oa
  Replies (28) Good night (5028) Bad night (1182)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.

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  (412): i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once. http://tfl.nu/brbs
  Replies (21) Good night (3269) Bad night (1094)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  what are we doing this weekend?

  (1-708): View more from Illinois

  I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.

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  (708): what are we doing this weekend? (1-708): I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store. http://tfl.nu/uvwp
  Replies (5) Good night (2175) Bad night (1285)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.

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  (214): My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down. http://tfl.nu/p7qt
  Replies (15) Good night (2184) Bad night (776)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?

  (1-262): View more from Wisconsin

  Yupp. And someone's bleeding

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  (262): And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right? (1-262): Yupp. And someone's bleeding http://tfl.nu/ez4o
  Replies (1) Good night (1234) Bad night (491)
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  (805): View more from California

  I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.

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  (805): I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea. http://tfl.nu/leum
  Replies (8) Good night (1582) Bad night (534)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster

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  (870): I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster http://tfl.nu/2cv6
  Replies (7) Good night (1069) Bad night (573)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.

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  (307): I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband. http://tfl.nu/qjl3
  Replies (10) Good night (3011) Bad night (546)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk

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  (503): Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk http://tfl.nu/l7fc
  Replies (9) Good night (784) Bad night (399)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....

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  (416): Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat.... http://tfl.nu/xy0p
  Replies (4) Good night (430) Bad night (635)
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum

  (424): View more from California

  please don't

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  (718): I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum (424): please don't http://tfl.nu/rfty
  Replies (4) Good night (371) Bad night (615)

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