I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
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I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one