You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Randomize
