I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Life is so much better after having sex.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
