I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
