I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
