he looks like a really good dad on facebook
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
