i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize