I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
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do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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