I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
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private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
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I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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