garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
