Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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