i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
