need another drink. this is the easiest way
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
