Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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