I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
