it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
