If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
