I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
