I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
