I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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