very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
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i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
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There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
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