And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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