i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
