ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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