i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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