Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
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