So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize
