they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
