Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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