I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
