I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
