I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
