$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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