I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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