Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
