The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
