i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
