We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
