the condom got lost in my hair
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
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