I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
