saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Someone shattered a urinal.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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