shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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