I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
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