Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
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I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
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He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
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