Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
