Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
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