remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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