cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
