first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
