woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
