all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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