I need help removing her.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
