I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
