Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
