you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Alive.
So much puke
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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