Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
