just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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