You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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