Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
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