So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
