so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
What drink are we having for lunch?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm always down for nudity.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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