Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
