i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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